Quick entry

Since Nikirah has passed my life and the life of my girls has changed so dramatically. While she was sick I didn’t touch this blog. My time online was spent searching for that miracle cure. I didn’t think her illness would progress so quickly. Her setbacks would be so large and so quick just like her death.

I plan to use this site for the next year or so to journal, fundraise, and support other families. I think it will be kind of therapeutic to go back and journal about this past year and the changes. I have visited other families sites whose children have died from cancer and the emotions they talk about are so similar to mine. Sometimes I am shocked and wonder if I wrote those words. The experiences are so similar, the sadness, grief, rebuilding of life and changing of outlook.

 

Taga and Doozie are doing. Our life has gotten back into a routine with us saying I love you just a bit more and hugging just a bit longer. We still take each other for granted at times but then we remember that tomorrow is not promised. Guilt and worry is there for us all as we think and talk about the should of, would of could of.

Doozie saw a commercial on tv for St. Jude and asked why didn’t I take Ne-Ne there because they could of made her better. Taga holds back tears when we talk about Ne-Ne and I hold her and tell her its okay to cry.

 

I wanted to cry when I saw Junie B. Jones books in Wal-Mart and shopping has been hard. You never realize how much special things you buy for someone. I almost cried last night when I saw the Naked Brothers Band has a new movie. Ne-Ne had a crush on them as does Doozie!!! I should of made meeting them her Make a Wish. (more regrets of things never to be)

 

We have decided as a family to do those things that were important to Ne-Ne. Like reinstituting our family nights, helping Camp New Friends and the kids whose family are mean to them. I am back in school online and plan to march by the summer. My girls are supporting me. Ne-Ne is cheering me on from Heaven.

 

Taga is dedicating her high school career to Ne-Ne and she is off to a good start. I am so proud of how we are pulling together as a family. Doozie and Taga still argue but they are both brats as was Ne-Ne. My babies but rotten brats none the less!

I don’t have a lot of time to write so I just really want to let everyone know some of the things we have done or are planning to do. Pics, as Taga says and more detail will follow.

 

Events:

Philadelphia Race for Hope: We are walking on Nov 2 to raise funds for the Brain Tumor Society. Please join us. I am getting t-shirts made up with Ne-Ne’s picture.

 

Big Apple Circus: We will be going to the circus in New York. This is sponsored by the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation. The girls have never been to NY so we are going to make it a fun day trip. (so many regrets for things Ne-Ne never got to do or see) Taga wants to shop but we are saving for a home so that’s out. Okay maybe we’ll buy one thing.

 

Camp Erin: Taga and Doozie went to this grief camp in Pennsylvania for a weekend. Taga didn’t want to go but I made her. She had a ball. It was kind of therapeutic for them. I am looking into another camp for Taga.

Birthdays: We made it thru. This was the first birthday that Ne-Ne and Doozie didn’t celebrate together since their birthdays are so close. I visited the cemetery and decorated the grave with their dad on Ne-Ne’s day. It hurt so much but her tombstone looks good. I plan to do a memorial garden when we buy our house in the next few months

 

Camp New Friends: With the help of Ne-Ne’s wonderful Godmother, Leta and Godsister Tesha we made Daily Survival Kits and mailed them to the camp for campers and counselors. It was hard knowing Ne-Ne wouldn’t be somewhere where she blossomed so much. More on this later….http://www.nfmidatlantic.org/newsletters/nfAug08nwsltr.pdf  

 

Fred’s Footsteps: We went to a fundraising dinner for the families they supported. There was high society, mini-golf and Doozie being a Doozie. This agency is wonderful. They helped us those last few months with bills, repairs, etc. They support working families whose children are ill.

 

Emmanuel Cancer Foundation: Earlier in the year we did a kids walk for the Emmanuel Cancer Foundation for children. We didn’t raise much but it was family time. I made t-shirts for the kids and Taga, Doozie, Za-Za and Na-Na walked. We ate some donuts and enjoyed the fresh air on the boardwalk in Ocean City, NJ. We had a great counselor/social worker thru them. Sadly her husband was diagnosed recently with the same type of tumor Ne-Ne had. Keep her in your prayers.

 

I remind myself when I want to waste away that God has a plan, even if I don’t agree with it. I have to keep living; fighting and getting up if I want to one day join my baby in heaven!