I have been asking myself that question for a long time. Why? I was able to accept all the other bad things in the world but Ne-Ne’s illness and death I have not been able to accept. I have asked myself why.
Today I had it out with Nick. Not really out but I just let him know all the stuff that has been bottled up in me. Stuff I don’t say to the counselors or anyone else. Stuff I barely admit to myself. Such as my anger at God, the world and life in general. Like how my heart is broken. So Nick read me the riot act but it was God using him.
Well in addition to Nick, my dear friend and pray warrior Pam lit into me as well. She talked to me, prayed with me, for me, cried and held me. Well something must of broke lose.
I am still hurting but I am up a little. Not on my knees yet but not on the ground anymore. As the bible says “For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.” I was acting as wicked man and wouldn’t get up. So now I am talking to God again and asking him to help me up the rest of the way.
Well low and behold he sends me a message thru Rick and Bubba. Yes I said Rick and Bubba. Its a radio show and Rick lost his own son to drowning. Rick has a message about why. What’s funny is his message coincided with Nick’s message to me today about not giving up. Rick explained that we are all responsible for his son’s death. How you may say. He went on further to explain that as sinners the wage is death. I am by no means explaining this as well as he did so I suggest you listen to his sermon by clicking on the link.
Well anyway back to his sermon he said how his son had to die for someone to live. Some got saved as a result of his death.
He went on to eloquently explain how his life changed after his son Bronner’s death. That he is living with a weight around him. His family now lives ready to go home as we all should be. We should be living that when we go do home whether today or tomorrow that we get the well done. As at many funerals we all say this and plan to do this but we don’t. I am going to challenge you as I am challenged to live so you can hear well done my good and faithful servant.
Nikirah’s life and death is preparing us and molding us into who God wants us to be. Thank you Lord. I did not pass the quiz but I am up and ready to pass the test. I want to see my baby again. I want to see others that have passed on before me as well. Will I see you their on the other side?a>
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)
33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
A child's life with neurofibromatosis 
I know exactly how you feel. My own daughter, age 28, died a month ago from an accidental drug overdose. I, too, have asked why. I praise God that He showed me that that is not the question I should be asking, as you say here in your blog (it is confirmation for me). Job didn’t get the answer to why either, but got God, Himself, instead. A much better answer. I can say that so far, He has proven faithful, even in those times I haven’t been this last month. Searching for meaning or for good to come from this is pointless without going to Him as the source of meaning and good. I don’t know if I will ever get the answer to that this side of heaven, and today that’s okay. It’s okay because I have Him, He is with me in this valley of the shadow of death.